Saturday, July 14th: "Critical Presence: Critical Questions" by Doug Collins of Albany FCC

What a wonderful day in Ecuador it has been.  I was greeted last night by Hugo, a staff member of the FEDICE team in Quito and his brother and father who graciously stayed up late to give me a ride to Victor Vaca's home for the night.  I was greeted and welcomed as family by the FEDICE volunteers and staff members staying in Victor's house and had toast and tea before a long needed rest.  This morning, I woke up to catch a bus to Otavalo to meet up with the group (finally) in order to have breakfast at 8 at the hotel.  Again, I was greeted (this time by more familiar faces) and welcomed in just like family.  After a brisk breakfast we were on the bus to make our way to the Otavalo Market.  Let me explain the Otavalo Market in Oregonian terms: picture the Portland saturday market...times 100.  Seriously!  Everywhere we turned, hundreds upon hundreds of local people working hard to sell us their beautifully hand-crafted clothes, musical instruments, souvenirs and foods.  However, as our time at the market went on, I began feeling more and more uncomfortable.  The poverty in this country is so vast - it's beyond words.  To think that we were the "rich American tourists" who got to walk around and barter their already extremely low prices down to an even lower price left me feeling unsettled.
In addition to bartering already low prices for these goods, I think the thing that struck me most was that almost all of the venders were elderly women who had obviously been selling (and attempting to sell) their goods for many many years.  It surprised me to see elderly women who had to bear the sun for hours on end, often sitting on their knees on the concrete ground.  Something just didn't seem right about that to me.  The second piece of this realization came to me as I remembered a series of articles from last year's issue of New Day magazine on critical presence.  If I remember correctly, critical presence is about going with God (on mission trips or other instances where you're out of your comfort zone or cultural familiarities, as I've interpreted it) and allowing yourself to be with the moment, with God - discerning the need and what there is to be learned from a particular situation, opening yourself to discover something you hadn't previously anticipated or imagined.  As a young American, the phrase "you can do anything" bombarded my childhood, teaching me to believe in myself and challenge myself to do what I want to do with my life. Critical presence has its way of not being about choice at all, however.  Perhaps this is where finding and discerning God's presence is so difficult at times. 


Perhaps the lessons and thoughts we gain from being placed in unpleasant situations call us to action, and thank God we are called to action when necessary.  Our hands are God's hands, that is how the world can begin to turn toward justice, only if we work for it - a lesson I've heard and witnessed personally.  However, I believe there are key times when God calls us to let a thought linger and to let ourselves dwell in that moment, as unpleasant as it may be, remaining thoughtful and present about actions that have already been taken (for better or for worse) and to discern, and to listen.


To bring this back to my experience at the market, I've noticed myself feeling pity for the elderly women on their knees all day today.  Why do I feel this pity?  I think it's partly because I look at elderly people like my grandmother in my life and think about how little I would like to see her grueling pounds and pounds of goods on her back and sitting on the ground all day, just to make a few dollars (if that).  Now, again, within my very limited perspective, I want to take action!  I want to save the world - because only I alone can do it all.  If only...  If only, I could fix everything, or better yet, if only everyone just agreed with me and justice as I see it would prevail - wouldn't that just be easier?


There you go again, God... making me think!


There is a balance between how I think these elderly people should be able to live their lives at this point in time and what should be done about it.   My conscience is screaming, asking; "These people have worked their bodies to the bone raising families and working to support them their entire lives, only to be stuck in a street booth all day, going to bed sore and barely making ends meet?!"  


Pause.  


Critical presence makes this conflict a little more complicated.  At what point is action to overshadow intellectual moments?  At what point should I sit down and stop talking so loudly and just listen to the Spirit?  To put it simply, I don't know.  God continues to call our group out of our comfort zones and I am grateful for this.  Unpleasant pondering is in some ways more agonizing than when the wrong action has been taken.  Perhaps it is at those times when God asks us to listen and just be present.  


God of change,
Mystery, movement, light,
Lead us to ask, and not always to know.
Lead us to seek, and not speak for you.
May peace be known in this world.
May the City of God be the work our hands.
Breath of renewal, we are yours.

Amen.